Dan Bortolotti

Steve English admits to having been nervous before his daughter, Pascale, was born in February. “I was terrified at the prenatal class when I had to pick up a doll,” says the first-time dad from Toronto. “I was thinking, ‘I’m going to drop this’ or ‘I’m not going to remember to support the head.’”

It’s a common fear for many men who are approaching this major milestone in their lives. Am I going to be any good at this? Can I handle the responsibility? And am I ever going to get my life back? While it often takes men a little longer to slip into the role of involved parent, the rewards are enormous. Here’s how you can ease the transition from guy to dad.

Get involved early

Getting used to your role can start well before the baby is born. “Fathers who are involved in the prenatal process make the transition much more easily,” observes Neil Campbell, the founder and executive director of Dads Can, a London, Ont., organization that promotes involved fathering. Attending prenatal classes with your partner helps you understand what she’s going through during different stages of her pregnancy, and how the baby is developing. Lindsay Taylor, a Toronto father whose first child, Callum, was born in January, says he enjoyed attending prenatal yoga classes with his partner. “My Kegels are great now,” he jokes.

Campbell also advises expectant dads to accompany their partners to doctors’ appointments whenever possible. “And if a dad can attend the first ultrasound and see the baby moving, that can be the crowning moment.” English found the experience a powerful one. “That was amazing. When you hear that heartbeat for the first time, you realize this is actually happening. It crystallized the idea that my life was about to change.”

By the time the baby is born, Campbell says, a dad who was involved prenatally “doesn’t have to feel like he’s stepping into the frame. He’s already part of the picture.”

Reinforce that feeling in the days after the birth by holding your sleeping newborn whenever you get the chance. It’s an intimate and stress-free way to get to know him, and will quickly Take time off if you can

Unfortunately, business culture has lagged behind men’s aspirations of fatherhood. Although Canadian law now makes it easier for fathers to take paid leave, many men will tell you that taking more than a week or two is frowned upon by bosses and colleagues. “It is changing gradually,” says Andrea Doucet, an associate professor of sociology at Carleton University who has studied fatherhood for more than a decade, “but dads still say that work culture is a big issue. It really depends on what kind of boss you have and how many other men in the workplace have taken parental leave.”

New dads often feel a strong drive to be a provider, and that motivates them to work harder than ever. But if you can take time off during your baby’s first year, it can go a long way in helping you bond with your child and empathize with your partner. “What we hear from fathers who take parental leave is how much they realize the work involved in caring for a child,” says Doucet. “They just have such an appreciation for their partner.”

Dave Curcio took a month’s leave as his son, Gabriele, was approaching his first birthday. He came to understand just how much time daily routines take with a new baby in the house. “It may sound like you have 10 hours to sit and play games, or cuddle up in a rocking chair, but it’s not like that. By the time you wake up, have breakfast, get the baby changed and do that typical morning routine, it’s lunchtime.” The timing of Curcio’s leave turned out to be ideal for another reason: He was around for Gabriele’s first steps.

Be patient with yourself

When you started your last job, it probably took you months to feel comfortable in the new position. The same is true when you become a first-time father. “The bonding process will take time,” says Campbell.

Many of today’s first-time dads were raised by men who had quite different notions of fatherhood. The current generation of fathers wants to be much more hands-on, but they have to learn on the job. That means they’ll make mistakes along the way — and that’s OK.

The family dynamics involved in figuring out how to share baby care also take a whileto work through. As much as gender roles have evolved, in the first year after birth mothers still tend to be the primary parent, says Doucet. “That period really is more gender-divided than the rest of parenthood.” That’s not surprising: After all, a woman gives birth, breastfeeds, and spends more time with the baby if her partner is working. So while it’s important for men to be involved from the get-go, most fathers will play a supporting role at the beginning. “In that first six months to a year, it shouldn’t be about trying to make everything equal between men and women,” Doucet says. Learning how to support each other, building a strong family unit, and creating your own loving relationship will make you feel you belong together.

Make hands-on parenting a priority

Many of the jobs that new dads take on — getting the finances in order, painting the baby’s room, preparing meals — don’t involve the baby directly. Men should also look for hands-on opportunities with the tiny new addition to the household. “The more familiar you become with hands-on care, the more confident you’ll be,” says Campbell.

English, despite his early fears, was surprised just how quickly he became comfortable: It took only a week of helping with feeding, rocking and changing Pascale. “Being able to do some of the actual child care has really been helpful,” he says. “Now I feel ‘This is my baby and I know how to do this.’ All the fear has completely melted away.”

Even a trip around town (with a well-fed baby) can help. “Take the baby out in a carrier and just go to Canadian Tire,” Campbell suggests. Just make sure you pack what you need — including extra diapers — and give yourself extra time for your chores. Doucet observes that fathers often build their connection with a baby through play. While roughhousing with an infant isn’t appropriate, getting down on the floor together is fun for both baby and dad. As Campbell likes to say, “Moms give babies toys. Dads are the toys.”

Once that due date is circled on the calendar, moms-to-be start to learn about breastfeeding from their health care providers, books and magazines, and talking with friends. That means they’re usually aware of the possible and the realities of baby care.

But dads may be blissfully unaware of what’s about to happen to their lives. “Before Reagan was born, I hadn’t really thought about breastfeeding much,” says Stephen Kavanagh. “I knew Nicole really wanted to breastfeed, but I didn’t think of any of the complications that could arise. I thought it would be second nature. You know, it’s natural, so why would there be any problems?”

Providing support

Surprise! Natural doesn’t always mean easy. And even when breastfeeding is going well, feeding baby around the clock can be exhausting. The challenge for fathers is often figuring out the best way to provide support when breastfeeding isn’t going as planned, or when mom is feeling worn out. If you urge her to keep trying, are you pushing too hard when she’d rather go to formula? Or if you offer to go out and buy some bottles, are you undermining her efforts to keep breastfeeding? And in the middle of all that, how do you build your own relationship with your new baby?

Breastfeeding can be very important emotionally to a new mother, as Kavanagh soon discovered when his wife began to have sore nipples and difficulties feeding their son. “Reagan was tongue-tied and unable to create a proper latch. I did have thoughts that this might not work and we would have to move to formula. I didn’t say that out loud, though, because I realized that this was very important to Nicole — so I just tried to encourage her and help her find help. But it was very difficult to watch both Nicole and Reagan struggle.”

Simon Dubois and his wife, Judy, overcame some significant breastfeeding hurdles as well when Judy gave birth to. The problems seemed almost overwhelming at first. The public health nurse who visited them recommended pumping after each feeding, as well as taking domperidone and herbal supplements to increase milk production. This time-consuming routine seemed to be working, but then Judy developed mastitis that required five days in hospital. This was Dubois’ chance to shine.

“When she was in the hospital, the twins and I roomed in with her so she could continue to breastfeed and I could help with baby care,” Dubois says. “Later, at home, I did all the washing and assembling of the pump. In the middle of the night, I would get up with the babies, deal with the pump, bring Judy a snack and put away the pumped milk. I prepared the bottles and fed the babies while she pumped. I also tried to deal with all the household chores and caring for our two older children.”

Despite his commitment to helping his wife breastfeed, Dubois confesses that he had doubts. “I secretly bought some formula. My aim was not to discourage Judy’s efforts, but I was concerned for her and the babies and wanted to have some on hand in case we decided it was too much for everyone.” While they never used the formula, Dubois says his wife was “very angry” when she discovered his purchase.

And there’s the dilemma. While some women will be angry and feel the offer of formula is undermining, others will be relieved and grateful. “There are times when you just don’t know what to do, and you have to listen to your wife and hear what she wants,” says Dubois.

Dads can support their partners by learning what help is available, says Kavanagh. “Lactation consultants were of immense help,” he says. It might help for dad to make that initial call and set up an appointment.

Of course, at the same time you are trying to support your partner through breastfeeding, you’re also dealing with huge shifts in your own life and relationships. “It was exciting, but it was a big change,” says Jay McGreal, father of five. At first, when breastfeeding is being established, the father is “kind of waiting in the wings,” he says.
Kavanagh found that what solidified his relationship with Reagan was “just to spend time alone with the baby. I took every opportunity I could to change him, rock him to sleep, bathe him and just spend time with him whenever I could.” See “The Dad and Baby Bond” for more ideas.

Says McGreal: “My favorite thing is when Suzanne has finished nursing and she puts the baby on my chest, and he just melts into me. It’s the greatest feeling I’ve ever had.”

How can the father of an exclusively breastfed baby build his own relationship with his little one? Spending time together and learning to read your baby’s signals and respond will forge a strong attachment between you.

No milk required. Here are some ideas:

Bathe baby Babies usually like this, especially if the two of you get into the big tub together and cuddle skin to skin.

Use a sling or carrier when baby’s fed and content, tuck him in a sling and go for a walk, or relax in the backyard. He’ll enjoy hearing your voice and your heartbeat.

Bring baby to mom for feedings If the baby is in another room, you can be the one who brings her in to be breastfed. She’ll soon calm down when she sees you, knowing that food is about to arrive.

Be the tummy-time play mat Lie on your back, and let baby lie on your chest and practice lifting his head and developing his muscles.

By Karan Smith

1. What do you mean I don’t qualify?
Paid baby leave is basically an Employment Insurance (EI) gig, so you have to qualify before you get a cent. You need to have worked at least 600 insured hours in the last 12 months (or since your last mat leave or unemployment claim). Generally, mothers can take 17 weeks of maternity leave, and either parent can take 37 weeks of parental leave. If you’re self-employed, you don’t qualify for benefits, although (fingers crossed) the federal government might change that.

2. All babymoons are not created equal
Provincial law dictates how much time off your employer has to grant you, and this varies depending on which province you live in. EI bene-fits are federal except in Quebec and they don’t always match up with leave. In some provinces and territories, adoptive parents qualify for only 37 weeks of parental leave, but in others, such as PEI and Quebec, adoptive parents are eligible for 52 weeks.

3. Your job is only sort of protected
You can’t be laid off simply because you’re home changing diapers. Nor can your boss reassign your duties and call it a termination.But being on maternity or parental leave doesn’t protect you from pink slips prompted by the downturn. If you suspect your name made the chopping list because you took time off to care for your child, get some legal advice, says Christine Thomlinson, an employment lawyer in Toronto.

What if your position disappears while you’re away? Workplace law says you can return to a comparable position, with similar wages and benefits. What’s an equivalent job? That depends on your line of work, says Leonard Polsky, a Calgary employment lawyer. But employers have to make a “reasonable effort” to accommodate you.

4. Pink slips now can wreck your mat leave plans in the future
So what happens to your EI-funded maternity leave if you lose your job? You can continue the benefits you’ve qualified for, but you’ll be out of luck, employment insurance-wise, later if you don’t have a chance to log those qualifying hours before your next baby comes along.

5. Moonlighting while you’re off isn’t always a great idea
It could mean a cessation of benefits while the government figures out your claim, not to mention a lot of headaches. The good news is that in a pilot project, the federal government increased the amount you can earn while on parental leave — up to $75 a week or 40 percent of weekly earnings — without benefits being reduced. If you work during the initial 17-week mat leave, however, any income is deducted dollar for dollar.

Did you know?
Employment Insurance (EI) pays 55 percent of your salary, but that maxes out at around $22,000 a year. And you have to pay taxes on that.
• If you don’t file your EI paperwork within a month of leaving work, you may have a little less cash for diaper runs. Claims are supposed to be rolled out within 28 days, but complaints have surfaced about much longer wait times as the federal government struggles to deal with the recession-sparked volume.
• Don’t use vacation days just before your baby is born. Vacation paid out during the two-week EI waiting period is deducted as earnings from your mat leave income.

by Dayna Boyer

So your baby is on his or her way, and it’s time to start arranging your maternity leave. In Canada maternity leave is made up of two segments, maternity leave and parental leave. Pregnancy leave can only be taken by the mother, and paternity leave can be taken by the mother, father, adoptive parent or common-law spouse. Read on to unravel the basics of maternity leave.

Qualifying

Do you qualify for maternity or parental leave?
In order to qualify for maternity or parental leave you need to have worked a minimum of 600 hours in the last year (or since your last Employment Insurance (EI) claim). For maternity leave you must have logged 13 consecutive weeks with one employer, and for parental leave you need to have been working for 17 weeks with one employer. You’re also required to provide your manager with written notice of when you plan to begin your leave.

Where does the money come from?
Part of the money comes from the government and part may come from your employer. The government portion is covered by EI, where you are eligible for 55 percent of your weekly earnings to a maximum of $447 per week. Some employers may offer a supplementary unemployment benefit plan as part of your compensation package, which can help top up the money you receive from EI.

How much time off are you entitled to?
Depending on the province you live in, you are entitled to 11 to17 weeks of maternity leave and 35 to 37 weeks of parental leave, which is commonly taken back-to-back but there are some exceptions.

In the case of a miscarriage you can receive up to six weeks of maternity leave if it occurs within 17 weeks of the due date, says Sheryl Johnson, a labour lawyer with the Toronto-based Grosman, Grosman and Gale firm.

Can you take any extra time off?
Your maternity leave can be taken 17 weeks before the due date and then once your baby is born your parental leave can begin. However, if complications arise with the pregnancy, Johnson says you may be eligible for sick leave or short-term disability, but you will need to provide medical documentation of the illness or complications related to the pregnancy.

Also, if you’ve been squirreling away any unused vacation time, you can request to take it at the end of your parental leave to extend the amount of time you have with your new baby.

By Catherine Gaunt, Nursery World, 23 December 2009

Childcare workers are worth on average nearly ten times what they earn, a new report by think-tank the New Economics Foundation suggests.

The study, called ‘A Bit Rich’, calls for a new way of looking at the value of work, beyond how much people earn to how much their jobs contribute to society.

The report says, ‘It is time to apply a different way of thinking to the value generated by different types of work. We should be looking beyond the narrow definition of economic productivity to calculate the broader social and environmental value of the work we do.’

By examining the potential of making universal childcare available with funded parental leave, the research calculates a net return of £612billion over 20 years, equivalent to an annual net benefit of £30billion.

The report highlights the public’s dissatisfaction with a system that rewards bankers with vast bonuses. It compares three low-paid jobs – childcare worker, hospital cleaner and recycling plant worker – with the higher paid roles of a city banker, an advertising executive and a tax accountant.

The report says, ‘Both for families and for society as a whole, looking after children could not be more important. As well as providing a valuable service for families, childcare workers release earnings potential by allowing parents to continue working. They also unlock social benefits in the shape of the learning opportunities that children gain outside the home. For every £1 they are paid, childcare workers generate between £7 and £9.50 worth of benefits to society.’

High-earning city bankers, meanwhile, the report claims, ‘rather than being “wealth creators”… are being handsomely rewarded for bringing the global financial system to the brink of collapse. While collecting salaries of between £500,000 and £10m, leading City bankers destroy £7 of social value for every pound in value they generate.’

Tricia Pritchard, senior professional officer at Voice, the union for education professionals, said it was time for the Government, local authorities and employers to ‘sit up and take notice’.

She said, ‘For too long, childcare professionals have been overlooked, underpaid and taken for granted. We are delighted that this report recognizes the value of childcare to society and takes a fresh look at how we recognize and reward different professions.’

“Plus, my mother‘s mind is starting to fail her. Would moving her into a new situation mean that she would lose all reminders of my father? Was being this cruel a risk I was willing to take? I even wrestled with whether I had my mother’s best interest in mind sometimes. I experienced constant confusion.”

Lynn made the elder care decision to relocate her mother into senior housing after an incident at the hospital.

“My mother had fallen and broken her hip. She was sitting up in her bed when she made a fist and pulled her hand back suddenly, her target the unsuspecting medical aide who had called her ‘honey.’ ‘Mother!’ I said firmly. She struck me instead.

“Stop!” Lynn recalls yelling, treating her mother more like child than parent. “Just stop, mother. Now!”

Lynn held her mother’s fist within her hand, uncertain if she should let go.

“At this point,” says Lynn, “my emotions felt unbearable. My mother reacted physically to her frustrations with her situation, her helplessness, her vulnerability. Ultimately, as my mother’s only child, I am going to own the brunt of her anger when her world turns upside down. It is a role I’m used to but one that never abates.”

Lynn’s mother is strong-willed and independent. But Lynn has come to realize that her mother needs to be moved so that she can receive better care, so she is moving her from New York to Maine, where her mother will live next door and receive full-time professional home health care. Lynn knows that relocating her mother from her home of fifty years is the right thing to do, but it doesn’t alleviate her feelings of remorse.

Every aspect of handling our aging parents’ futures can provoke tremendous ambivalence. We are often in denial about their increased vulnerability as well as their reduced decision-making abilities. We, as children, are suddenly placed in the role of caring for our elderly parents, who for many until only recently were our caregivers. This exchange of roles not only intensifies our parents’ feelings of helplessness but also our own confusion and guilt.

Marjorie W. feels that guilt every day. A self-proclaimed perfectionist who does not count patience among her traits, the University of Washington medical researcher never experienced a sense of calm when caring for her mother. Today, Marjorie looks after her father in the later stages of his life, an experience she enjoys.

“Dealing with my mother’s dementia, which came on so quickly, challenged every fiber of who I am,” Marjorie recalls. “My mother was a very sharp woman who made me promise, after having dinner with a demented family member, that I would never allow her to become like that. But I had no idea how to deal with this demand once the dementia actually started.

“Each time I would leave my mom, I was determined to be more patient the next time I saw her. Then I would fall back into frustration within minutes of seeing her again. This pattern would repeat itself throughout my visits.

“One positive result occurred, however—after experiencing all of the feelings of guilt with my mother’s situation, I was clear placing my father in an assisted-living situation was the right thing to do. Because I had bound myself in guilt with my mother, the questions surrounding my father’s relocation were mostly answered.”

Marjorie’s father first moved to an independent living retirement community after his wife passed away. Once he sustained multiple bone fractures in a fall, he moved into the adjacent nursing home.

“With my mother I felt like I was always failing, a concept that is, frankly, very foreign to me in my professional and personal worlds. I remember once, early on, I glanced over at her while I was cooking for her and noticed that she appeared really lost. I asked her what was wrong and she said, ‘I don’t have a role anymore.’

“I said, ‘of course you do, you’re my mother.’ But her comment really stung.”

Putting anyone into a new environment can be an uncomfortable and even distressing experience. Suddenly, while at their most vulnerable, we “ask” our parents to form new acquaintances, trust new professional caregivers, navigate new schedules, and acclimate to new environments. These demands will challenge them acutely, while we, as children thrust into primary decision-making roles, can only hope they’ll make the best of the new situation.

According to Dr. Stephan Quentzel, Medical Director for Psychiatry at the Institute for Urban Family Health in New York City, Marjorie’s and Lynn’s feelings are typical of caregivers who are faced with relocating their parents.

“There are plenty of factors that go into feeling guilty,” Quentzel explains. “Emotions range from feeling inadequate to feeling overly responsible.

“Most significantly, we want our parents to remain decision makers and to be omniscient, to regain the sense of normalcy. We’re upset when we have to take over their roles. We feel guilty about the role reversal. We assume moving them into assisted living declares loudly and clearly that we can’t handle taking care of them.

“One way to address this situation is to anticipate it,” he suggests. “Enter into it with emotional health, whether as a result of psychotherapy or some other methodology. Deal with issues before they encumber our ability to deal with our parents. The better our perspective, the better the outcome. Visiting assisted living facilities with your parents early is one definite method to keep them in the loop.”

The “could-a, would-a, should-a” moments further add to our guilty feelings, creating an emotional vicious cycle. We find ourselves rethinking our elder care decision, replaying conversations, wondering if we are doing the right thing. This second-guessing can turn the already finite time we have to spend with our parents into even more stressful and anxious experiences.

“I constantly thought I should be with my mother,” Marjorie remembers. “Returning to work after an extended visit with her felt like when I returned to my research after having a baby. My focus was shot, I was unsatisfied on both the work and the caregiver fronts.”

“In our society,” observes Quentzel, “we are used to making informed decisions about what we buy, where we live, etc. Medicine doesn’t always provide perfect answers, plus we are asked to make critical arrangements about someone other than ourselves.”

Quentzel believes that this issue can also be anticipated. “Make decisions with your parents while they are still at a place to make such decisions. A comprehensive Living Will and Health Care Proxy can ease the approaching situation for everyone. Proper health insurance and financial preparation also alleviates areas of common conflict.”

When the topic is relocation into an assisted living community or nursing home, an elder care decision with enormous financial and lifestyle consequences, the anxiety level is further heightened. Early planning can broaden the options, answer many of the initial questions, and clarify some of the ambiguity, but the doubt and uncertainty of how things will turn out remain.

“The paradox, of course, is that we want nothing more than to ease our parents’ pain and suffering, even to sacrifice our comfort temporarily to improve their overall lives,” Quentzel says. “And yet, by its very nature, the desired outcome remains uncertain.

“Still, focusing on the small victories helps alleviate our guilt. Small victories include excellent palliative care, creating meaningful activities, even keeping our parents together for as long as possible. Making an informed decision about assisted living is a potentially huge step towards this goal.”

“I discuss most of my life with my father,” reflects Marjorie, enlightened with the wisdom that comes from having gone through this process once before. “I am much more patient with my father, who is less complex psychologically than my mom. I am also determined not to repeat the mistakes with him that I believe I made with her.”

“Empowering our parents is a priceless opportunity,” Quentzel agrees. “They remain keepers of the family, full of family history and cultural knowledge. We craft their legacy and add a bit of eternity when we communicate. They appreciate the longevity of their family and their fear (and our guilt) of being supplanted diminishes.”

Moving our parents is never easy. We are faced with an elder care decision that challenges our ideals of the parent-child relationship, and the often narrow window in which to make these decisions usually forces us to make momentous choices without having every resource available to us. But we do the best we can for them with what we have, and hopefully remember that our parents once did the same for us.

“I’m told I am a very empathetic person,” says Lynn, releasing a long sigh. “Even so, I often block the most difficult times with my mother. I try to maintain perspective about her condition and that my moving her conveys her best interest at heart. Still, it is never easy. In fact, I’d say it is extremely hard. But I know it is for the best.”

“Is there a way to stop the memory loss—forgetting names or why I went to the grocery store—that I’ve begun to experience?”

“Am I destined to lose memory as I age?”

These questions strike at the heart of the most terrifying aspect of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia—that memory loss affects the core of personal identity. But there’s good news: Not everyone susceptible to dementia eventually succumbs to it. Though memory loss is often associated with older age, scientists have discovered that memory doesn’t necessarily diminish with time. Recent medical research has shown that preventing memory loss can happen with the right combination of physical and mental activity, and in some cases cognitive decline (or memory loss) can be delayed or even prevented.

How Memory Loss Occurs
Estimates by neuroscientists have shown that by late middle age the brain loses an average of 1 percent of its brain cells every year. Memory loss occurs when the synapses (or neural connections between brain cells) that facilitate the transfer and storage of information in the brain are weakened. The more connections between brain cells, the better the brain’s ability to transmit, store, and retrieve information. But as subtle decay in brain mass eventually takes its toll, memory loss can begin to set in.

“The number of memory complaints goes up with age,” explains Dr. George Rebok, a professor of psychiatry in the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Heath. Rebok says that memory loss first affects everyday activities, like the ability to remember appointments or the names of other people, particularly people one has recently met.

In addition to the loss of physical brain mass, scientists have developed a number of theories to explain why memory changes with age. With increasing age, there is simply more information stored in one’s brain, making it more difficult to access. Another explanation suggests that some memory loss is affected by lifestyle changes later in life. Without daily work or regular activity, much of the mental data stored in the brain no longer has a meaningful structure to support it. In turn, that information can become far more difficult to access. But in spite of all these explanations for memory loss, the fact is that not all seniors lose memory at the same rate—or even at all.

Who Experiences Memory Loss?
Perhaps the most surprising thing about memory loss is how it affects different population groups. Even identical twins who share the same genes have been shown to experience cognitive decline at different rates, which suggests that memory loss is affected by our environment at least as much as by genetics. Dr. Zaldy Tan, a professor at the Harvard Medical School Division of Aging, notes that an individual’s education level and occupation appear to play a significant role in the onset of memory loss.

People with high levels of education or whose jobs require complex mental functions—doctors, engineers, and university professors, for instance—are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease. “People with higher education and intelligence have more brain connections, and therefore, have greater brain reserves,” Tan says. “Their brain can take more hits, so to speak, before they develop dementia, whereas people with less reserves can take less hits.”

Rebok describes excess brain capacity as a “cognitive reserve”—an abundance of connections between brain cells that keeps the brain and memory functioning well, even as some neural connections weaken with age. Cognitive reserve offers the best explanation for why those with advanced educations—and thus a more highly developed “back-up memory”—are less likely to fall victim to Alzheimer’s.

The advantages of cognitive reserve, however, are not necessarily limited to the well-educated. According to Rebok, research in the last ten to twenty years has shown that not only can one brain connection take over for another, but that the brain can create new connections between cells. “It isn’t just a matter of losing neurons as you get older,” Rebok says. The brain not only creates new connections between neurons, but can actually grow new brain cells that transmit information. “There’s a great deal of plasticity in the brain,” he adds. Rebok points out that this new understanding of brain capacity shows that people, regardless of educational or occupational background, who engage in a more active lifestyle can improve certain areas of their mental functioning, potentially delaying or preventing memory loss.

Preventing Memory Loss
Improvements in memory, however, can be gained through everyday activity. Mental activity as simple as regular reading or playing board games stimulates brain connections and contributes to the delay and prevention of cognitive decline. In effect, more active lifestyles allow the brain to continually re-wire itself. Tan notes that physical inactivity, especially in older age, can contribute to cognitive decline. “If you’re homebound, watching television, reheating food in the microwave, [those activities] don’t require higher cognitive function,” he says.

In his book Age-Proof Your Mind: Detect, Delay, and Prevent Memory Loss—Before It’s Too Late, Tan cites a number of leisure activities as particularly effective in helping the brain protect itself against mental decline:

• Reading on a regular basis. In an age when people spend so much time passively watching television, reading provides an opportunity for active mental engagement. And such habits as making predictions about a story’s plot and recalling details from what was read can further enhance the benefits of reading on one’s memory.
• Playing board games. An avenue for much-needed social interaction, board games also encourage critical thinking.
• Playing musical instruments or other hobbies. The mental discipline required to learn a new hobby or skill helps ensure that more areas of the brain remain active.
• Dancing. For those who are physically able, dancing provides a combination of physical and mental activity, especially the hard work of remembering all those dance steps!
• Crossword puzzles. Tan notes that someone who completes the New York Times crossword puzzle four days per week reduces the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease by 50 percent compared to someone who does the puzzle only once per week.

In addition to simple everyday activities, another option for preventing memory loss is the practice of memory exercises. Well over 300 studies on memory training with normally functioning older adults suggest that while not all participants benefit to the same degree, memory training can help. “In some cases, those improvements last weeks, months, even up to several years,” Rebok says. “[Improvement in memory] doesn’t go away once you stop the memory training.”

Rebok has led a large study in which participants learn memory interventions that stimulate the brain’s memory-making abilities. An example of a memory intervention used in the study is the acronym MOVA, which stands for

• Meaningfulness,
• Organization,
• Visualization, and
• Association.

The idea behind MOVA, according to Rebok, is that information is easier to remember when it’s meaningful, when it’s logically organized, when one can visualize it, and when one can associate it with something that is already familiar. Tasks in the study included memorizing a grocery list (organizing items into categories like dairy or produce) and remembering stories from the newspaper (visualizing the narrative and associating it with common experiences).

It should be noted that increased mental activity is no cure-all. For some people, cognitive decline and dementia will occur, regardless of educational background or mental lifestyle. But for many people who adopt a direct approach to mental activity, preventing memory loss can work. Tan and Rebok both emphasize that with early signs of memory loss, preventing more serious cognitive decline is still possible with lifestyle change, which is often as simple as taking steps toward increased social activity and some new hobbies. But even more important is adopting a lifestyle of mental activity at a younger age. “Aging is a process that doesn’t start when you’re sixty-five or seventy,” says Rebok. “A lot of the choices you make earlier in life have profound consequences for your life as an [older] adult.”

Refrigerator Phonics Learning
I love these refrigerator learning systems. My daughter perfected her abc’s and their sounds with the single letter set. When you put a letter into the holder it says the letter and all of the sounds that it makes in a sing-song voice. The word whammer is great for her right now. She creates words and says them back. It’s fun for her and she’s learning at the same time.

Leap Pad
Our toddler loves her leap pads. She is almost 4 and has just moved to this leap pad. It teaches phonics and word and letter recognition. She is beginning to understand many sight words now, and knows how sentences are contsructed on a page. When children start kindergarten, teachers often will assess their knowledge of reading. Do they know how to turn pages in the correct direction, do they know where a sentence starts and ends, do they understand that we read from left to right? The leap pad gives some instruction in this area. This particular Leap Pad has a microphone so you or your child can record yourself reading and play it back.

Make Believe Time
Toddlers love to make believe. Puppets are a great way to build vocabulary and story telling skills. You can make your own puppets and theater or purchase this one from Amazon. We bought a bunch of great puppets from costco that were inexpensive and great quality.

Geography Through Globes
Learning the different contintents, how the world looks and how it spins on its axis are large concepts to accept. Globes help children find a bit of meaning in this area. The fly and learn globe is a great toddler globe. It is interactive in teaching geography, people, places, the wonders of the world, languages and music. The joystick allows the child to control the direction of the plane, north, south, east or west, around the globe. The Explorer Globe has three skill levels and is a great globe for the more advanced student. It has thousands of facts, national anthems and information on currencies. Children learn about states, countries and continents. There is a magic pen and a world clock too.

Educational Science Toys
I’ve linked to a few science toys that I love. Children love to experiment with water. The water tub is a great learning tool for learning how water moves through different containers, density of objects (does it float or sink?) and how water moves. The hydroponics greenhouse grows plants or herbs in a non-soil environment. Kids love to watch what they plant grow and then possibly eat the result! The ant habitat is a self-sustaining environment. No food or sand is needed, instead a non-toxic gel, that was based on a 2003 space shuttle experiment, provides the proper nutrition and work environment for tunneling. A magnifying glass and zoom lens aids in close-up observing.

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2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have. Please let me explore safely. Don’t restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I’m only little for such a short time. Please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender. Please be sensitive to my needs. Don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God. Please treasure me, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement and your praise to grow. Please go easy on the criticism. Remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday, I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

8. Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please take me to worship regularly, setting a good example for me to follow.

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People with Alzheimer’s experience difficulties communicating, learning, thinking and reasoning — problems severe enough to have an impact on an individual’s work, social activities and family life.

The Alzheimer’s Association has developed a checklist of common symptoms to help you recognize the difference between normal age-related memory changes and possible warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease.

There’s no clear-cut line between normal changes and warning signs. It’s always a good idea to check with a doctor if a person’s level of function seems to be changing. The Alzheimer’s Association believes that it is critical for people diagnosed with dementia and their families to receive information, care and support as early as possible.

10 warning signs of Alzheimer’s:

1. Memory loss. Forgetting recently learned information is one of the most common early signs of dementia. A person begins to forget more often and is unable to recall the information later.

What’s normal? Forgetting names or appointments occasionally.

2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks. People with dementia often find it hard to plan or complete everyday tasks. Individuals may lose track of the steps involved in preparing a meal, placing a telephone call or playing a game.

What’s normal? Occasionally forgetting why you came into a room or what you planned to say.

3. Problems with language. People with Alzheimer’s disease often forget simple words or substitute unusual words, making their speech or writing hard to understand. They may be unable to find the toothbrush, for example, and instead ask for “that thing for my mouth.”

What’s normal? Sometimes having trouble finding the right words.

4. Disorientation to time and place. People with Alzheimer’s disease can become lost in their own neighborhood, forget where they are and how they got there, and not know how to get back home.

What’s normal? Forgetting the day of the week or where you were going.

5. Poor or decreased judgment. Those with Alzheimer’s may dress inappropriately, wearing several layers on a warm day or little clothing in the cold. They may show poor judgment, like giving away large sums of money to telemarketers.

What’s normal? Making a questionable or debatable decision from time to time.

6. Problems with abstract thinking. Someone with Alzheimer’s disease may have unusual difficulty performing complex mental tasks, like forgetting what numbers are for and how they should be used.

What’s normal? Finding it challenging to balance a checkbook.

7. Misplacing things. A person with Alzheimer’s disease may put things in unusual places: an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.

What’s normal? Misplacing keys or a wallet temporarily.

8. Changes in mood or behavior. Someone with Alzheimer’s disease may show rapid mood swings – from calm to tears to anger and aggression – for no apparent reason.

What’s normal? Occasionally feeling sad or moody.

9. Changes in personality. The personalities of people with dementia can change dramatically. They may become extremely confused, suspicious, fearful or dependent on a family member.

What’s normal? People’s personalities do change somewhat with age.

10. Loss of initiative. A person with Alzheimer’s disease may become very passive, sitting in front of the TV for hours, sleeping more than usual or not wanting to do usual activities.

What’s normal? Sometimes feeling weary of work or social obligations.